Wisely Angry

I’ll explain this pizza at the bottom.

Yesterday I confronted a student because I found out he recently got lessons on how to make joints. I used anger in this situation to sternly demand he not go down that road. I didn’t yell, but I wasn’t easy on him, either. He clearly got the message.

The reason he clearly got the message is that I rarely make an issue out of what would have made me irate in the past. The kids know I care about them and have standards I live by and expect them to keep as well. They know me as a caring youth leader who gently gives them boundaries and loves to catch them off guard with stupid youth pastor humor.

When I get serious, then, they know it’s a big deal. It might be about a confrontation or about a deep spiritual need I see in their lives. When I get serious, they pay attention.

General principles I’m trying to follow:
- If I’m always angry (or highly emotional), I am never really heard or making an impact with my outburst.

- I end every confrontation with “I love you.” It kind of takes the sting out and reminds them I’m on their side. They usually respond with, “I know”.

- When confronting a student, I get right to the point as soon as possible. This communicates confidence, removes their anxiety if they know what’s coming, and gets us to the action steps (resolution – path toward health) much more quickly.

- I don’t beat a dead horse. Confrontation doesn’t have to be a long heated conversation. My conversation about the joint-rolling lesson took place in about 3 minutes in passing. If I find out he is going down that road, we’ll get together again and escalate the message and action steps. However, less can be more. The longer I drive a point home, the more it gets diluted.

So why the pizza? Well, I guess pot does give kids the munchies, but that’s not why it’s there. Somebody told me every post should have a picture. I didn’t want to post a joint on my blog, so I thought I’d put up a picture of my lunch. I wrote this sitting at Costco before going shopping.