Partnering with Parents

I have been meeting with parents of our teenagers in our youth ministry for "Adult Sunday School Class" this summer. There are about 60 individuals that attend the class, each coming with a little different view of the way to parent, the way to discipline, the way to structure a family, and a wide range of experiences and expectations. We are discussing issues that pertain to parenting but also pertain to church and how the two can, not just coexist, but co-ordinate. I'm excited about what is happening. Here are a few of the things that this class has discussed. If you are a youth leader or youth pastor, I encourage you to find a place to get with the parents in your ministry and really get down to the issues of partnership. Without the parental influence on our teenagers, we are canoeing upstream without any sort of paddle (possibly without a canoe)!

Child Development - I took this class in college, skipped many of the sessions, didn't read the book, and had a hard time staying awake in class but the last 3 years of my life, I have devoted myself to this class. You see, if we as youth pastors and parents don't get Child Development, we are going to have a tough time identifying when certain issues need to be talked about, how to connect with different ages with games, and what worship looks like for different stages of life. I am more and more convinced that we need to be students of "physical" child development so that we can pair that development with 'stages of faith' development.

Stages of Faith - Fowler's book "Stages of Faith" treats this subject well. He talks about physical development and pairing that with faith development. The book gives great insight into how to evaluate where teenagers are at in the spiritual walks with our God and where parents might be as well. As we minister to teenagers, it is important for us to know what outcome we are after. What stage of faith are we trying to move our teenagers from and to? What is the overall picture of a "fully devoted follower of Christ" look like when they are graduated from High School so that College ministries don't have to pick up the pieces? What if we thought about these things and planned all that we did around helping teenagers develop this type of relationship with Jesus?

Influencing the Influencers - This is something that parents must do. But it's a tricky business. For instance, parents have to deal with the issue of television and what their kids can and cannot watch. It's easy when they are little kids and kids don't know any better, they just shut it off. But as they get older, there is more pushback and reasoning and logic to what teenagers think that they can and cannot watch. Parents are looking for answers in this area. What age should my teenagers be able to watch certain things? What age should they be able to hang out certain places? How do I manage these conversations with my teenager? These are all questions that parents are asking.

Facebook and Texting - I personally have a strong critique against both of these as ways of building community. However, most of our teenagers find themselves addicted to both and parents find themselves addicted to both. Talking with parents about what facebook is and offering constructive critique on how to use it well gives some direction for parents of teenagers. It allows them to ask questions that they have always had but they would have to ask their teenager if they wanted to know the answer.

Parenting Friendships - Who do our teenagers hang out with? The church is always telling teenagers "bring your unchurched friends!" when parents are telling their teenagers that they need to hang out with good Godly influences in their lives. Are we partnering with parents in this conversation? Or are we speaking two distincly different things? It's a conversation that needs to be had.

I am still in the midst of this class and am having a blast. God continues to bless our dialogue and discussion and my hope is that partnership is attained for years to come!

-Chris Rollman