Family in Youth Ministry

Just six months into my new church, I sat down for breakfast with Logan, a junior in the youth group.  I asked her what she liked best about the direction of my leadership and overall perceptions of our youth ministry. Her first response was that she loved how Regina, my wife, is so involved. So when it came time for our fall retreat a few weeks later, it was obvious that our youth wanted Regina to go.

We didn’t ride in the same vehicle.  We weren’t lodged in the same room and didn’t share a bed.  We didn’t cook for each other or clean up after each other.  We even packed separate bags.  Yet, our partnership during our Upper School Fall Retreat was strong and fruitful.

The only hesitancy we had with both of us going on the Fall Retreat this year was leaving our two precious boys back at home.  However, at the end of the day, it all worked out.  They understood, they had fun with MeMaw and PawPaw, and we reunited just two days later on that Sunday afternoon.  For the sake of the Kingdom, for the sake of the ethos of our youth group during this pivotal weekend, for the sake of our youth ministry, it was worth it.  

Having a supportive and contributing family while leading a youth ministry can make for a smooth road and successful outcomes.  When having our spouse and family involved in ministry, let’s keep these things in mind:

Use them in Leadership
We must find a way to use them in leadership.  Well, maybe not our young kids, but definitely our spouse. Not only can they be a valuable asset to the team, but they can be our strongest supporters.  Putting them in leadership positions will help strengthen our own ministry.  More than likely, we will have some of the same mindset, mentality, and philosophy of ministry; thus, making it easy to communicate and be on the task together.  In my ministry, Regina has leadership in upfront roles at our large group time, has special fellowship nights with some of the girls, and will eventually be a small group leader for a group of girls. Perhaps this is why Logan was so excited about her helping … she is in leadership, known, and being used within the ministry for the glory of God.  

Model Healthy Family Systems
Along with my spouse serving in leadership, we also make it a point to have the boys attend some events and purposefully desire for our youth to see us together.  It shows some of our values.  On most days, we can model a healthy family system.  I will admit, I talk about my boys a lot and some youth will pick on me for using them in analogies and talking about them while teaching, but they are just so darn cute!  So, having our youth see them together with my wife and I puts a face to the illustrations, and creates more of a connection between us.  Not only do the current youth see them live within my family, I’m also training them about youth group, so they’ll be ready when their time comes.  Taking them to football games, wrestling matches, visiting youth at their work places, taking them out to lunch with youth, all of these opportunities give me the opportunity to expose a family value and teach our youth this importance.  

Let them Know they are Valued
We all know the long conversations, late nights, and overnight trips in youth ministry can be taxing on our families.  Having them involved will help everyone in our family understand why we do what we do.  Of course, there are boundaries.  Of course, there are times of Sabbath.  Of course, we must prioritize.  But, at the end of the day, when our families are involved in ministry alongside us they will understand more fully.  Since they are living life together with us, as youth pastors, we must make sure that we value them … and tell them that they are valued.  This can happen behind the scenes, in front of others, or even in the same approach you take with other youth leaders.  We must take the time, effort, and energy to let them know that we value them and all they give to the team and to us as individuals.  

It is a joy to serve in a church we love with our family, that we love.  It is a joy to serve alongside our family and have spouses that are not only involved in our ministries, but valued, both by our youth and us.  It is a joy to have children who are exposed to a dynamic youth ministry and understand the importance.  And as we serve within this joy, may we remember to ask God to reveal to us how our families can be used in ministry and use them; may we model a healthy family for our youth group; and may we always seek to let them know how much they are valued.  

Just six months ago when sharing with our church family about my vision, story, and family, I glanced over at her sitting on the front row shining like a star, then I looked back at the congregation and said, “and she makes a great youth minister’s wife!”  I stand by those words.  

About John Mark

With over 10 years in youth ministry experience, over the past 2 years John Mark explored some other areas of ministry (pastor, pastor of connections) only to sense the Holy Spirit prompting Him into his true calling – youth ministry.  Bringing a renewed call, passionate pursuit, and fresh vision for youth ministry, JM joined the staff at Gayton Baptist Church in Richmond, Virginia in June of 09. As a Jesus follower, hot wing connoisseur, struggling blogger, husband to Regina, father to Jacob and Benjamin, and a youth pastor, JM is driven to connect others to Jesus while planting and watering God’s Word and virtues into the lives of youth, youth leaders, and parents.  You can follow his blog at www.johnmarkskammer.blogspot.com.