Suicide Awareness: The Difference Between "Spiders" and "Fish"
May is Mental Health Awareness Month in the United States. I was thinking about this last night as I was giving my three year old a bath. Ok, I should probably disclose right up front that I have ADHD and am usually thinking of multiple things at any given time. I was also thinking about the four teen suicides that have taken place in my community since September. The youth pastor in me aches for the families and friends dealing with these losses. The daddy in me weeps at the thought of one of my three boys ever feeling that suicide is the only answer to their problems. I was further saddened by the statistics I had read that according to the Center for Disease Control, suicide is the third leading cause of death in 15-24 year olds, and fourth leading in 10-14 year olds.
I was roused from these thoughts by a sudden splash of water and the smiling, bubble covered face of my youngest son, Aiden --the joyous price I pay for sitting on the edge of the tub while he bathes! In that moment, a distracted time of grief, wetness, and love, God spoke to me. Well, not in words, but in a vision. He gave me an illustration using my son’s bubble bath. Aiden has sensitive skin which is irritated by the chemicals in the bubble bath; however, Aiden LOVES bubbles! So, I indulge him every now and then with a tiny bit in his bathwater. God Point #1: Sometimes we like to submerge ourselves in things that are NOT good for us. During the course of the bath Aiden suddenly stares down at the water with a look of fear that only a three year old can give and says, “Daddy, there are spiders in there!” You see, Aiden couldn’t see past the bubbles into the clear waters underneath. God Point #2: Sometimes we can’t see past our hurts and fears to the clear, abundant waters of life on the other side.
One of my personal rules as a youth pastor is to treat each heart-ache, each break up, and each tear with the tenderness and love it requires. Notice I didn’t say deserves! There WILL be a new boyfriend or girlfriend next week, they WILL be friends again tomorrow, and I WILL be approached for comfort the day AFTER a message dealing with that day’s mistakes that were discussed IN the message. These temporary trials do not necessarily deserve compassion, but they do require it. In doing so, I build trust and love with my group and get the opportunity to model servant leadership on an individual basis. Loving your neighbor as yourself is, I believe, one of God’s answers to how to help prevent suicide.
Our community is bringing attention to Mental Health Awareness Month by centering in on the tragedy that is suicide. I am partnering with our local Christian radio station 88.7 F.M., The Cross, to host a free concert featuring Building 429 and friends, testimonies from local parents who have lost children to suicide, provide resources on suicide prevention and awareness, and accepting donations to be distributed among local suicide prevention organizations.
After his initial scare and my assurance that there were no spiders in the water, Aiden’s imagination took over, and he could see “fish” swimming in the waters of our bathtub despite the bubbles covering the surface. He was seeing PAST the bubbles without actually being able to see past them. That is our goal beginning now and in the month of May, helping others to see past the current trials and “spiders” in their lives to the calmer, more inviting waters of the future --a future that is worth fighting for, worth living for, and worth the wait. What is God whispering to your heart? How can YOU contribute to helping end suicide in your area? It may be hosting a large, noisy concert, or helping someone through the loss of a relationship or the grieving that accompanies the death of a loved one. However you feel led to serve, do so knowing you make more of a difference than you will EVER know.
Written By: Pastor Larry Roy
A Little About I
I am a 33yr old married father of three wonderful boys. My wife Lisa is truly my God given soulmate, and still the only one that turns my head. I am an ordained minister of the Church of God, Anderson and the Associate/Youth Pastor at Liberty Grove Church of God in West Monroe, Louisiana. My youth group (REAL CHURCH Youth Ministries) is a mix of the greatest teens in the entire world! I love to read, write with my sister (Teen Christian author Leslie Lamb), and enjoy time with my family. I am a student at Warner University and a member of the United States Corps of Chaplains.
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Comments
This is really great! Thank
This is really great! Thank you for sharing. It's so amazing how God can use those "little moments" to teach us something so big.
Yes Barbara, you are correct!
Yes Barbara, you are correct! Those "little moments" bring with them so much power and deep spiritual instruction! It has taken me years to get to where I am now...able to discern such times and REALLY listen. However, I know that I am just beginning to scratch the surface of this wonderful truth to be found and added to our "Christian Toolbox." Thank you for commenting and for enjoying the article!!
You are correct Barbara!
You are correct Barbara! Those "little moments" carry with them such deep spiritual teachings! It has taken me years to get to where I am now....being able to properly discern and learn from such times. However, I know that I am just beginning to scratch the surface! Thank you for your comments and your support!
Great, GREAT message! The
Great, GREAT message! The youth that you serve and minister to are lucky to have someone with the compassion and patience that you project. Thanks for sharing this!
Thank you for your kind words
Thank you for your kind words Shelly! I do have to say that sometimes THEY are the ones who show ME compassion and patience!! I wish I was joking with that, but having ADHD sometimes I have been known to become distracted right in the middle of a....
What a wonderful piece, as a
What a wonderful piece, as a survivor i applaud you for your sensitivity, as a parent, i think you are wonderful.
for me, undiagnosed mental illness and the misguided belief that God could not love me, caused me to suffer most of my life- it was not until i found a church that taught me what it meant to be a Christian, and the truth in God's promise that my suffering has eased. now i try to help others, thank you for being on our team, a team that understands that suicide can be prevented and that mental illness is not a cause to isolate people.
Adrienne, I applaud you for
Adrienne, I applaud you for your strength, spirit, and courage! Thank you for not giving up!! I am praying for you my friend!
This is a wonderful message,
This is a wonderful message, Larry! I love how you love the youth and have such compassion for them. That is exactly what they need. I am so glad that you are doing this. My grandson's friend was one of the ones who committed suicide this year, and it breaks my heart for him, the friend's parents, family, and friends. I agree, we as a community have to do something to reach these young people. I'm so glad that God has shown you this so that maybe together we can make a big difference here. Love you, "Son"!
Thank you "Mom" for being
Thank you "Mom" for being such a HUGE blessing in the school system!! You love and influence more youth than I ever could. You have made more of a difference in more lives than you could even possibly imagine! I do the little that I can the places God has positioned me, but teachers like you ARE changing the world one heart, mind, and soul at a time. God Bless!!
Just curious why you chose
Just curious why you chose not to address that the suicides were by kids that may have been gay? How are you as a pastor in your community address homosexuality? There is a correlation between religious bigotry, homosexuality, and teen suicide. Where do you stand on the issue?
Really? If this article was
Really?
If this article was not written by a pastor, would you have made this comment. Suicide is a problem for all youths, teens, and young adults, not just the children who are homosexual. i have many friends in the gay community and save for the ones that ALSO suffer from mental illness as i do, only one of them is a survivor.
Personally, as a survivor of mental illness, suicide attempts and an eating disorder i am really tired of this whole segregation between gays and non gays, when it comes to suicides and attempted suicides. The real difference here is that the gay suicides get more press.
A victim of bullying is a victim of bullying, i believed that God had given me bipolar because he hated me, there was no dogma or bigotry involved, just simple mental illness based self loathing, not every Christian goes around hating on Gay people.
Jesus teaches us grace, and love not judgement, do not try to turn this helpful and loving post into a soapbox-- the issue here is suicide in ALL young people
I asked the pastor legitimate
I asked the pastor legitimate questions about legitimate concerns regarding youth suicide, and it's a fact that more gay teens kill themselves than any others. The pastor attempted to connect mental illness to suicides that had nothing to do with mental illness. These kids were being bullied about being gay or possibly being gay. It is not mentioned at all in his blog post, so I hope you can see where my questions came from.
The only reason I've discovered this blog is that the pastor followed me on Twitter, and I'm not sure why. In any case, I read his blog and decided to engage with him on these issues, which are real issues. The fact is I don't actually know the pastor's stance and so I'm in no place to judge him until I know his feelings on the matter.
As for your comments, there is a huge difference between mental illness and homosexuality. The boys that killed themselves were tormented for maybe being gay. So please don't skirt the real issue trying to connect mental illness with bullying based on bigotry that is rampant in the Christian church as well as in the homes of many many people all over America. Kids are dead because of hate. It needs to stop. That is where my concern lies.
The pastor brought me here (unintentionally I suppose), and I'm here to engage the pastor in a healthy and much needed debate about these issues.
Dear Matt, I could not
Dear Matt,
I could not find you under my "following" list on Twitter. Perhaps it was simply a re-tweet? In any event, thank you so much for stating your opinion on the topic. The only way any of us will ever grow is through sharing and discussion. Truthfully, it never occurred to me to segregate the discussion into racial, religious, sexual preference, or any other categories used of Man to further separate individuals and groups from communicating or learning from one another. I am a follower of the Lord, Jesus Christ. I believe that Christ died upon the cross for the sins of Humanity. Anyone who chooses not to accept that salvation and relationship with Him is no less precious to Him, nor are they any less precious to me. I refuse to "judge" people for their actions or lifestyles. I DO point out that a thief is a thief, a murderer is a murderer, and so on. I am tired of seeing teens commit suicide (regardless of WHO they are) and I wish to see things change. You stated that, "Kids are dead because of hate. It needs to stop. That is where my concern lies." That, my friend, is but ONE factor that leads to suicide. If that particular subject happens to be what you are called to rally against...then I support you fully. CHRISTIANS are called to love, NOT hate. God Bless!!
Great answer! Matt, i am
Great answer!
Matt, i am sorry that you are buying into other people's propaganda and hatred that you would think that every Christian sees gays as less deserving of love than anyone else, and i have to agree with the author here, when he says that the death of these children is the issue, the fact that it is happening at all'
Answer me this, why is it that no one in the media was interested in TEEN SUICIDE until it became prevalent in the media? i have lost more than one friend to suicide and as a youth, i saw many very very unhappy people being bullied and isolated by their peers, and no one said anything, there was no media coverage, generally people thought it was the fault of the child, that they were 'disturbed'
Of course mental illness is involved, Suicide is the number one cause of death for people with mental illness, the fact that most people with mental illness are not diagnosed until their mid-twenties makes it impossible to say that teen suicide is caused by mental illness.
i think you are politely trying to make a point and pick a fight, how is targeting only gay suicides going to help the rest of the world? Everyone has the same rights to love and understanding, whether they are gay or not, your arguments seem to have a sense of entitlement that somehow gay suicide is more relevant?
Anyone that is reading this thread, and has ever thought that teen suicide or suicide in general is something you should judge, ignore or think it somehow will not affect you. It could happen to a family member, the child of a co-worker, someone your children go to school with, be aware of the youth around you, reach out to them and assure them of God's love and their worth. No child should feel so desperate that they should take their own life.
Again i can only humbly thank the author for his compassion and understanding, my prayers are with you, as are the blessing of the Spirit who moves with in us, to make us greater, and more like Him.
God bless you
Thank you for replying
Thank you for replying pastor. Although I'm not convinced you accept and embrace homosexuality as something naturally occurring in nature, as something inclusive in God's plan, I'm glad at least you're not firing hateful words my way, like many of your peers and contemporaries would have. And I hope that all Christians can progress in their religion to truly love everyone regardless of race, gender, sexuality etc. Please make those considerations as you progress forward in your life and lessons.
I will leave it at that. Take care.
Adicat, I'm not buying into
Adicat,
I'm not buying into any propaganda. And I don't believe I have once said EVERY Christian sees gays as less deserving. I've been very careful with my words here because I am treading in unknown territory. And I don't believe these are fighting words, as you keep claiming. I'm engaging with people and asking perfectly respectable questions.
And once again I have to stress to you that you absolutely cannot place mental illness and homosexuality in the same category when it comes to suicides. The boys in the pastors town were not mentally ill, but bullied to death for their perceived sexuality. Yes, suicide is a tragic thing regardless of the reason, but right now there is a huge rise in gay teen suicide. These suicides stem from bullying, and bullying is learned in the community, at home, from parents, and sermons at church. When preachers say that "God hates fags" (and they do, you can't deny that, there's a website), children take that message to school and tag it to the boy at school who is quiet, maybe artistic, maybe effeminate. And that boy has nowhere to go because he lives in a religious town, he's heard his parents speak unkindly about gays, influential people in his life are homophobic. He can't even see the school counsellor because the counsellor does not agree with homosexuality. Not every school, not everywhere, but in a lot of places.
And yes, maybe you're a Christian who loves everybody, but are you defending gay kids when other Christians say that God hates fags? I don't see Christians taking offense to comments like this. I see Christians that spout their hate, and I see Christians that look the other way.
God may be there for those with mental illness, but he is not there for gay kids, because hateful Christians are very vocal about God's apparent feelings towards gays, and "loving" Christians are not vocal enough.
yes i do, GOD LOVES
yes i do, GOD LOVES EVERYONE
you are so biased you are hijacking this poor man's blog. to make it your soap box, the only thing that homosexuality and mental illness have in common is, bullying, you do not chose to be it, you are born with it, and people judge you for it, seems like a lot in common.
You have no idea the stigma on mental illness, you do not even know my sexual orientation, you make assumptions about me, about my faith and about God. You have a right to do NONE of these things, and where i live, what you are doing is considered just as rude and hurtful as any self-righteous judgmental person.
FYI some 'religions' and even Christians think mental illness is a gift from the enemy, a curse, deserved to those who are hated by God, i am leaving this thread, because you have no idea the damage you are doing.
Pastor Larry, i am so sorry for this, but i cannot sit by and watch this and not say anything, i do not feel that any of this blaming or shaming is going to help any child, please delete my replies if you will, so that no children suffer from my pain at the hands of some 'enlightened thinker's' insensitivity.
God bless you and your work, and may you continue to be blessed by the Holy Spirit in your work and your family and your church.
Adicate, I've not hijacked
Adicate,
I've not hijacked any post. I asked the pastor a question and he responded. He is articulate and I'm sure that he is listening and learning from this conversation. This is a conversation. A conversation that seems to upset you more than anyone else.
I have not once said that mental illness carries no stigmas. I also know people who suffer. And yes, it is important to address mental illness and its devastating effects.
But please, show me a website called "God hates bipolars". Find me a story of a group of Christians protesting the funeral of someone who was mentally ill with signs saying the person will burn in hell. Are there any states that consistently lobby to strip the basic human rights of the mentally ill?
All these things are a reality for gays in America and most of the world. Progress for gays is stunted by the religious right. While there may be individual Christians who treat a person with mental illness poorly, I also do not see large scale campaigns against mental illness.
What I would love to see in the news is Christians telling other Christians to stop spreading hate. Why are the "good" Christians who claim to love everyone letting their Christian brothers stigmatize gays, and those with mental illness, other races and religions etc.
I made a simple correction to the pastor's post, pointed out that the boys were not mentally ill, but gay. He addressed this and I was satisfied. But it has upset you to the point that you're asking the pastor to delete this very important conversation. You call me an "enlightened thinker" like it's a bad thing. This dialogue will not do any damage, because maybe a gay kid in your town will read this blog and realize that there is love in the world for him, and that suicide is not the answer. Maybe he will read this and understand that he is not mentally ill, just a boy that likes boys. And that's perfectly normal.
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